In our current climate, connecting with people who see the world differently can feel challenging, if not downright impossible. But building these connections is not only possible; it’s also deeply rewarding. Here’s how to foster understanding and even friendship with those on the opposite side of the political spectrum.
1. Recognize and Address Contempt
Let’s face it: contempt can creep in when we hear an opinion that we just can’t understand. According to relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, contempt is one of the biggest obstacles to effective communication. If you catch yourself rolling your eyes or feeling judgmental, pause. Remember, every person you meet is bringing their unique story and beliefs to the table. Try a quick mental reset: “What can I learn from their perspective?” This simple shift can open up more honest and constructive discussions.
Look for shared humanity.
Instead of focusing on your differences, try to find common experiences. Maybe you both enjoy volunteering, have kids in the same school, or love the same TV show. Common ground builds trust.
2. Check Your Own Biases
We all have biases that shape our viewpoints. Acknowledging them doesn’t mean abandoning your beliefs, but rather being aware of how they influence your perspective. Reflect on any assumptions you may be making, and ask yourself, “Could my biases be closing me off from understanding them fully?” Recognizing our own blind spots helps us approach conversations with more empathy and openness.
Sarah, a teacher from Ohio, realized her biases were limiting her ability to connect with others. “I kept writing people off who didn’t agree with me,” she says. “But once I started asking questions instead of assuming, I learned so much—and even made a few new friends.”
3. Embrace Active Listening
When was the last time you really listened? Not just waiting for your turn to speak but truly absorbing what the other person is saying. Active listening means staying present, avoiding judgment, and asking questions. Reflect on their points instead of crafting a response. This shows respect and can deepen your understanding of their views.
Practice “Listen to Learn”
During your next conversation, make it a goal to only listen without interrupting or debating. You might be surprised by how much more you learn.
4. Ask Open-Ended Questions
Open-ended questions are conversation gold. Instead of “Why do you believe that?” try “What experiences led you to that belief?” This approach invites them to share their journey, which can give you insights into their reasoning. It’s amazing how just one question can reveal common values or shared concerns, even if you disagree on the details.
5. Focus on Shared Values
It’s easy to get lost in specifics, but many of us share core values. Whether it’s fairness, kindness, or safety, focusing on these common values reminds us that we’re not so different after all. In Romans 14:19, it says, “Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and mutual edification.” Finding shared values can be the foundation for building peace.
Discover the “Why” Behind the “What”
Ask about what drives their beliefs. You might find you both care about similar things, like community welfare, but differ in how you think it’s best achieved.
6. Be Open to Constructive Disagreement
Disagreement doesn’t have to mean conflict. Respectful disagreement can be an opportunity to grow and learn. Approach differences with curiosity rather than confrontation. Phrases like, “I hadn’t thought of it that way” or “That’s an interesting perspective” keep conversations open and friendly, even when you don’t see eye-to-eye.
Mark, a retired veteran, and Tom, a liberal activist, found common ground while organizing a community event. “We started out at odds, but by focusing on our shared goal, we saw each other as partners, not opponents,” Mark shared. Today, they still don’t agree on everything, but they’ve learned to respect each other’s commitment to their community.
7. Engage in Diverse Experiences
Connecting across divides becomes easier when we’re exposed to different perspectives. Make a point to attend events, join groups, or volunteer in spaces that welcome a variety of viewpoints. Exposure to diverse ideas and people not only helps reduce bias but also nurtures empathy.
Make it a Habit to Step Outside Your Comfort Zone
Challenge yourself to read articles or watch documentaries from differing viewpoints, or volunteer for a cause that includes a wide range of people. This will make you more comfortable engaging with different perspectives.
Take the First Step Towards Unity
Reaching across political divides may seem daunting, but every small step counts. The next time you find yourself in a conversation with someone who holds different views, try these strategies. You’ll not only broaden your perspective but might also form connections that enrich your life.
Want to dive deeper? Join a local community group or attend a “Living Room Conversation” event near you, where you can practice bridging divides in a safe and open environment. Let’s start building a world that celebrates, rather than divides, our differences.
